the story of tiki: lydias perspective
by Silverfireneko
Summary: lydias perspective of the story of a bat-crap crazy wood elf named tiki. some random romance and stuff too. i know in the first chapter it says following, but im not. i also forgot to spellcheck chapter two.
1. gods, shes crazy

**This is the story of the insane wood elf "Tiki" (I tend to name my created characters after characters prominent in my mind from other games, although personality changes greatly. To this day, I have… 13 different refias across 13 different games. I don't know. I just like the name!) (Oh yeah, did I mention Lydia's PoV is prominent? Got this idea from TheFantasyNerd (if you read this, sorry if you don't want me taking your idea… )) I OWN NOTHING. If I owned elder scrolls, we'd have an all of tamriel game now. **

Lydia looked around dragons reach for something to do. She thought "I'm going to go stir-crazy if I don't find something to d-"

That's when the door opened, a young wood elf rushing in, knocking over a guard, who continued to spew information about bandits at some cave. The elf then tripped up the stairs, landing face first 5 inches away from the fire. She quickly got up, then walked straight through the fire, talking to irileth and being sent up to the jarl, who asked her "why have you come here miss…?"

The elf looked up at him and said "my names Tiki milord, and I bring terrible news. A dragon attacked helgen! The woman at the lumber mill in riverwood says to ask you for soldiers to protect the town! She fears riverwood's next, as the closest place to helgen!"

"Did you see this dragon?"

"Sure did. Had a great view as the headsman's axe was in between me and the dragon, for a second or two, then he, the dragon, I mean, let out… this… wave of force, and the headsman was knocked over, and so he saved my life, although it then tried to kill me, along with the rest of helgen."

Quick to change the subject, the jarl considered "alright. I'll send soldiers. But first, will you help us with something?"

"Sure milord! Just a warning though; I'm bat crap crazy. I'm just on an adrenaline rush right now, from a bear attacking me. The crazy'll be back soon. Can I take a moment to eat possibly?"

"Sure… although… if your as insane as you say, we may want to seek help elsewhere…"

"Don't worry milord. I'm reliable, just crazy! Also, would you like to say hi to Mr. Jenkins?" Tiki asked, pulling a troll skull from her bag.

"No… thank you."

Tiki walked to the table and sat down next to Lydia, who noticed she wore ill fitting clothes seemingly of a bandit, although blood stained, as if taken from a bandit's corpse, not through any affiliation with the vile criminals. She also had an iron shield on her left arm, as well as an iron sword at her waist. Tiki noticed Lydia and said "hi miss! Do you want to see what a troll skull looks like if you wear it as a hat?"

Lydia reacted quickly, trying not to gape at the girl, who seemed to be as she had said 'bat crap crazy' "no, I'd rather not see a troll skull hat…"

"Aw." Tiki groaned as she bit into a sweetroll "by the divines that tastes good! Oh, did you know that some bandits along the road from helgen to riverwood have an iron mining operation? Well, had. I killed them all. They had a lot of iron ingots and stuff. Made my sword and shield myself."

"Then what did you kill them with?"

"Flames."

"Ah."

"You're pretty."

"Uhm… thanks?"

As Tiki finished eating, she walked to farengar who sent her on her way to bleak falls barrow, with the remark "we won't see her for a while, if ever again… probably a blessing."


	2. why me

**The continuation of tiki's tale unfolds! As you might guess, this more or less follows the storyline, although the dialogue changed and also there are some parts that aren't in the normal skyrim game (tripping on the stairs, talking to Lydia, anyway, im trying to follow my adventures as closely as possible. (is she even in dragonsreach before she becomes your housecarl? Because if so, I've never come across her.)**

Tiki strode into dragons reach, in brand new armor if Lydia's knowledge of armor was correct, and made of solid steel "damn, she's changed a lot in the past five days. Is that an elven sword? … why am I talking to myself again?"

Tiki walked to farengar, taking out a huge stone and handing it to him, and after a conversation, walking to the jarl, who gives her a set of armor, as a guard runs in yelling "DRAGON!"

The jarl looks at irileth "you will take care of this, won't you? And you, Tiki, you go too."

Irileth and Tiki said in sync "yes sir!"

Although, Tiki added "if we come across any fish, I'll throw them at the dragon!"

Lydia looked up "what?"

"everyone knows dragons hate fish!"

"no… they don't know that."

"oh… damn"

Irileth and tiki left and about 4 hours later, they returned. Tiki grinned, looking up and yelling out "FUS!" as a blue wave of force shot up. "hahaha that's so fun!"

Irileth glared "she's been doing this every few seconds all the way back."

Jarl balgruuf looked at the two "im guessing from the fact you're still alive you killed it"

"yes milord, and it turns out I might be something called dragonborn!"

"oh divines what have we done to deserve this…"

Lydia had the same opinion of tiki as the Jarl.

The Jarl said "well, for service to whiterun, I appoint you thane, and Lydia is now your housecarl."

Lydia's eyes snapped open and she whispered "What!"

Tiki grinned "thanks milord!"

"You also have permission, as a thane, to buy housing here in whiterun"

"Cool, how much does it cost?"

"5000 gold"

"W-what? That's a lot of money…"

"This deal will stand no matter when it is accepted, so come back when you have the money. In the mean time, as I said before, I appoint you thane of whiterun, and give you Lydia as housecarl."

"Thanks milord. PIE!"

"lets go Lydia!" Tiki yells as she handsprings over the fire then walks out, Lydia grudgingly following her.

Once outside whiterun, Tiki starts humming, then singing softly "and here in the night, as I feel the inferno, I stare in the dark, thinking what is eternal, the man or the moment, the act, or the reason, these thoughts fill my head as I contemplate treason. Of dream I have had, and dreams I have pondered, when late in the night, my mind it would wander, to things that I've done, then quickly regretted, while denying vices my life had selected"

Lydia looks over "that's… quite the song."

Tiki quickly bolts out of her singing "wha-"

"You were singing."

"was I? anyway, we need to get to markarth. So, we should go to the stables to buy passage."

"why do we need to go to markarth? Shouldn't we go to high hrothgar?"

"to buy a war dog of course, and also, I heard someone there is selling a 'summon flame atronach'"

"ah, well, there's the carridge."

Tiki looks over at the man in the drivers seat "we'd like to buy passage to markarth please!" then under her breath "hope nothing attacks us… especially not a jho…"[haha! Reference!]

The carridge driver looks over "20 septims please. But… whats a jho?"

"here you go!" tiki says, handing him 20 septims as she and Lydia walk to the back, climbing in "and a jho is a viscious creature, even dragons fear it…"

"are they common?"

"no… I've never heard of one on this continent."

"oh… good."

"but there's a first time for everything"

Lydia looks over "what about riding a magical bunny into the sun?"

Tiki looks at Lydia "good, you understand me! And I suppose some things are impossible… like those stupid doors with the hinges in the centers. You cant slam them!"

"what."

"I said, you know those doors that spin? You cant slam them…"

"oh."

-later-

As thet arrived in markarth, tiki noticed a man with a dagger at his waist approaching the gte "hey Lydia, do you see that man with the dagger? He looks suspicious…" as she followed him into the city, summoning a bound sword as she went, then immediately stabbed him through the heart just before he would have done the same to a woman on the street "oh no you don't!"

The woman looks over at tiki "you just saved my life. Thank you…"

"don't mention it… did he have any reason for killing you?"

"no, although he did shout about the forsworn."

"oh gods. If there involved, its bound to get compli- OH LOOK IT'S A BUNNY! LOOK AT THE WEE BEASTIE!" tiki yelled, running out of the city after a rabbit

Lydia groans "Akatosh, why did you find me needing of the punishing task of being this woman's housecarl…"

When Lydia found tiki, she was sitting next to a pile of dead forsworn, and one live rabbit trapped inside a circle of corpses "hello Lydia. Look at that wee beastie… its so cute! And why do all the forsworn women dress like hores?"

"to answer your question, and then ask one of my own, I don't know, and why did you find it necessary to trap the rabbit in such a gory circle?"

"because I wanted to keep the rabbit, but it kept trying to get away."

"well, they do say "if you love something, set it free."

"true…." Said tiki, freeing the rabbit, before watching it hop away "I give it 5 minutes before it gets shot."

"that long?"

"hmm 2?

"I'd guess about that."

Lydia looks up at the sky "well, we should make camp. Its getting dark."

"one of the forsworn launched a fireball and it hit my bag. My tent is torched."

"well, I guess were sharing mine. Take turns sleeping?"

"sounds good."


	3. randomness

Tiki Part 3! I am no longer trying to follow my kajjit's path through skyrim; in fact I stopped a while ago. (My first file was a kajjit dammit how do you spell kajjit…) (Also, if you didn't notice, that song last chapter, or part of a song, was trans-Siberian orchestra's "what is eternal" also Tiki likes to sing, although she doesn't always notice she's doing it.

The next morning Tiki woke up, walking outside and smiling at Lydia "thanks for letting me sleep last."

"You're welcome, my thane."

"Do you want to get some rest, Lydia?"

"No, I'm fine."

Tiki walks over and puts her arms around Lydia, sitting down next to her "its ok, not like we have a pressing appointment or something. Sleep!"

"Ok" says Lydia before yawning, and laying down, while Tiki lets go and watches the random woodland creatures, occasionally stopping one to talk to it.

When Lydia woke up, Tiki smiled "hi. Sleep well?"

"Yes."

Tiki hugged Lydia "good." Now… I think we should go to… dawnstar. I heard there's a crazy over there with the remnants of the cult that caused the oblivion crisis.

"You mean the third disaster averted by a prisoner?"

"Yeah. That's funny how the empire's heroes usually start out prisoners."

"You were a prisoner. And you're the freaking dovahkiin."

"True."

"Could you… let go of me?"

"Sorry!" As Tiki let go, she heard a noise, and immediately launched flames. There was a scream as a forsworn ran forwards, dying before he reached them while he was on fire.

Lydia quickly stood "we should go. Where there's smoke, there's fire."

Sorry it's short. Review please.


	4. More randomness and a dragon

Tiki woke up to Lydia saying "My thane! Time to get up."

Tiki angrily muttered "Damnit Lydia and I was having such a nice dream…"

"What was it about?"

"Uh… you don't need to know that…"

"And why not?"

"Because, it was uhm… inappropriate."

"Divines now I really am curious"

Tiki quickly got up and started to get ready to leave "none of your business."

"You ARE my business, thane. It's my duty to protect you."

"… Shut up."

As they wandered, Tiki occasionally closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of nature, a pleasant smile on her face. Lydia got curious about this and asked her "why do you keep stopping, with that odd smile on your face?"

"Because life is beautiful, and it could all go away with one hit. So, I enjoy what I can when I can."

Lydia suddenly picked Tiki up and hid behind a tree, whispering "Quiet! I heard a giant."

Tiki was struggling in Lydia's arms "Let go of me! Please?"

"Sorry." Lydia set Tiki down beside her as the giant walked past; leading a herd of mammoths "I just needed you to be out of sight quick."

"Its ok, just warn me next time. I almost punched you on instinct!"

"Uhm what instinct is that?"

"The one that makes rapists fear me."

"Ah."

Tiki leaned away to check if the giant was gone, and then said "hey Lydia, he's gone. We can go! Unless you want to stop for the day"

At this point, they had been walking all day. The sun was starting to go down, and so Lydia looked at Tiki "sure, this seems a good place to camp."

After a while, Lydia was done setting up two tents, and she sat down to think. She saw Tiki starting to yawn, then lay down without saying anything. /Lydia then walked over, picked up Tiki, ad lay her down in her tent to sleep. Extremely tired, Lydia decided to lay down with Tiki and fell asleep there.

-Insert SpongeBob timecard reading "the next day" here-

Tiki woke up, her head on Lydia's chest, a small bit of drool coming out of her mouth "wha-" she sat up, and realized that Lydia must have fallen asleep there. She woke Lydia with a small poke to the side of the head "morning!"

Lydia woke with a groan "morning Tiki."

Tiki grinned "we should be in Riften by tonight. Well have actual BEDS!"

Lydia looked confused "I thought we were going to Dawnstar."

"Small detour."

"'Small' detour!? That's half of Skyrim!"

"Meh. Do you want a comfortable bed or not."

"True. Let's go."

Today, Tiki seemed agitated occasionally, her bound weapons were almost constantly in her hands, and she seemed very tense "something wrong, my thane?"

"Nothing, I just feel something's about to go terribly wrong."

And, she was right. A dragon flew out of the sky and smashed down, breathing fire at Lydia "DAMNIT! WHY AM I ALWAYS CORRECT ABOUT BAD THINGS!?" Tiki screamed as she attacked the dragon, quickly cutting it down with bound weapons.

Lydia remarked "you're getting good with those."

"Thanks."

They approached Riften at about dusk, and a guard walked out. "Visiting tax."

"Pfft. This is obviously an official abusing power to get money for himself."

"Ok, you got me. Don't tell anyone, but any visitor tax funds the thieves' guild"

"Really? In that case… let us through or I tell the jarl when we get in."

"Oh shit. Ok, just let me open the gates."


End file.
